Life is a gift and I am trying to make the most of every opportunity to enjoy it. But Ive been feeling a bit up and down like a yo-yo as the date comes ever closer to my son emigrating to Oz with his partner on 24th September. This Saturday (27th August) was definitely one of the highs. My niece was getting married in Boxmoor, Hemel Hempstead at the Church I sang in as a chorister aged about 11. I thought we were going to be lucky with the weather as the sun shone when I awoke – the previous day it had been raining vociferously and torrentially all day. We arrived and the sun was shining, everyone was looking happy and uplifted, after all it is a pleasure and joy to take part in a couple’s celebration of their love. I wandered round asking family members to pose in different combination as I knew this was my last chance of us all being together for a long time and wanted to capture the joyous smiles for eternity.
Everyone obliged me and I managed to get all the combinations bar one that I wanted as the rain kept intervening (my ex with our two gorgeous daughters – yes I am biased). Even the rain didn’t dispel the cheerful disposition of everyone as we all took refuge in the Church or Boxmoor Lodge the reception venue. The day passed by without any hitches other than my tiny grand-daughter who loved her ‘princess’ bridesmaids dress but wasn’t always a smiley bunny for the photographer as she is shy. However, Grace became braver later and chatted away. I was so proud of her and Josh as they are only three and nineteen months respectively and they behaved impeccably especially being the only children there. The formalities of speeches, cake cutting and first dance been carried out, it was time for the dancing and the little ones to go home to bed. The floor was empty so my daughter Kelly and my two future daughters in laws Helen & Hannah and I decided to liven things up a bit… we felt sorry for the DJ or was that what we told ourselves. Anyway we had a thoroughly good time and it did encourage others to venture up eventually.
I really enjoyed myself talking and laughing with my children, catching up with my ex husband and his family. So although I had a few wistful moments in the Church when the vows were taken (I was with my ex husband for 32 years) fortunately it was with fondness and a tinge of sadness that it hadn’t worked out ‘until death do us part’. But it was lovely that we were able to sit and chat amicably with ease and comfort. It showed me just how much I had grown over the grieving period of loss and that I could finally and happily engage with him without any tears. I was pleased for the good times we had and the wonderful children we had created in our loving times together. I am so glad that I have never held anger or bitterness at the outcome of being the one who was ‘left’ and was grown up enough to realise that everyone deserves to be happy and I have always wished him well and even secretly thanked him for the revelations I have learnt about myself since the divorce. There always is a silver lining although at times it is more difficult to find.
The good news is that some of us will be flying out in a years’ time to Matt & Hannah’s wedding in Brisbane which will be a great reunion and celebration – another joyous occasion as a focus (unfortunately my granddaughter Grace will have just started ‘real’ school and so my daughter and her family won’t be there – we all do what is best for our children and as a shy little one it is more sensible for her to integrate with the other children and get a good start.) I am only human so I do have the odd tear or two at the thought of Matt being so far away but I know that we did well to bring up a well rounded, adventurous and loving child who follows his heart and instinct. Skype of course will help us to keep in contact which is a great tool.
So I am rejoicing on all the wonderful aspects of my life and not dwelling on the challenges. I feel so full of love for all my wonderful family and friends and say thanks everyday for them. We only have now and so maximise this time with fun and gratitude. I am truly blessed!
Love, light & laughter,
Calm Kids, Calm Minds